Death, Sex & Money

One day on his morning Uber route, Jason Armstrong got an email from his father. The message: at 85, he'd decided to end his life by stopping eating and drinking. Jason's first reaction? This was the "ultimate act of narcissism." But over the next few months, as Jason witnessed his dad's careful preparations, his perspective shifted. In this episode, Jason talks to Anna about processing his father's choice - from panic attacks on morning walks to a poignant final night sharing tiny sips of favorite drinks, and opens up about grappling with love, tenderness, and what it means to honor a parent's wishes, even when they're hard to accept. Podcast production by Zoe Azulay Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Public.com Ad Disclosure: A Bond Account is a self-directed brokerage account with Public Investing, member FINRA/SIPC. Deposits into this account are used to purchase 10 investment-grade and high-yield bonds. As of 9/26/24, the average, annualized yield to worst (YTW) across the Bond Account is greater than 6%. A bond’s yield is a function of its market price, which can fluctuate; therefore, a bond’s YTW is not “locked in” until the bond is purchased, and your yield at time of purchase may be different from the yield shown here. The “locked in” YTW is not guaranteed; you may receive less than the YTW of the bonds in the Bond Account if you sell any of the bonds before maturity or if the issuer defaults on the bond. Public Investing charges a markup on each bond trade. See our Fee Schedule. Bond Accounts are not recommendations of individual bonds or default allocations. The bonds in the Bond Account have not been selected based on your needs or risk profile. See https://public.com/disclosures/bond-account to learn more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Elizabeth* has a secret life as a hoarder. None of her colleagues or family members know that her apartment is filled to the brim with garbage bags, discarded hobbies and beautiful writing paper. Instead, she hosts an anonymous podcast detailing her struggles and efforts to declutter. In this episode, she talks to Anna about her complicated relationship with objects, how it relates to money anxiety and sexual identity, and how she’s trying to be more honest with people in her life. * Elizabeth is a pseudonym. Her podcast is called, That Hoarder: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding. Also this week, a listener asked for recommendations on how to rekindle old friendships. Have thoughts? Send them to deathsexmoney@slate.com. Here are some links to episodes, and Slate advice, on friendship. Opportunity Costs: Friendship and Fertility Books We Love: A Big Conversation About “Big Friendship” Between Friends: Stories About Race and Friendship Advice Week: Friendship Edition Podcast production by Zoe Azulay Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you lived in Columbus, Georgia in the 90s, you might remember a queer club called Sensations. But Bob the Drag Queen knew Sensations by day, not night – she was in elementary school when her mom owned the place. Bob eventually moved to New York City, and now, she’s an international stand-up comedian and drag star. In this episode, Bob talks to Anna about turning her big ideas into iconic side hustles, trying to move her family into a bigger home, and supporting and collaborating with queer and trans people in small U.S. towns as a co-host of the HBO reality show Elsewhere. Podcast production by Afi Yellow-Duke and Lilly Clark in 2021. Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Martha Wainwright was born into a world of music and folk fame, with songwriter parents Loudon Wainwright III and Kate McGarrigle and brother Rufus. In this episode, Martha opens up about love and jealousy, the profound impact of losing her mother to cancer, and how she discovered new sexiness following her divorce. Martha Wainwright’s memoir is called Stories I Might Regret Telling You. You can listen to a playlist of songs featured in the episode on Apple Music or Spotify. Podcast production by Andrew Dunn Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

After Cody Delistraty’s mom died in his early 20s he decided to turn his grief into a research project with one central question: can grief be cured? In this episode, he talks to Anna about all of the various remedies he tried, what worked, and what lessons he learned along the way. Cody’s book is called The Grief Cure: Looking For the End of Loss Looking for more episodes on grief and longing? Here are some from our archive: When Grief Doesn’t Move In Stages An End of Life Doctor’s Shocking Loss Cut Loose: Your Stories of Breaking Up Podcast production by Andrew Dunn. Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Your stories about how navigating weight and body size inside a relationship has sometimes made your partnerships stronger…and sometimes broken them apart. Since we originally recorded this episode in 2021, the way we talk about weight loss has changed with drugs like Ozempic. We want to hear more of your stories about weight and love especially if you’ve taken new weight loss medications. How has the experience impacted your close relationships? Record a voice memo or write us an email and send it to us at deathsexmoney@slate.com. Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Climate activists Jess Serrante and Joanna Macy are 60 years apart. They’re also close friends who’ve been sharing stories and commiserating about the state of the world for the past 10 years. When Jess experienced a crisis and started questioning whether her activism was really effective, Joanna provided a framework that changed everything. In this episode, Anna talks to Jess about what she’s learned from Joanna about aging, activism, and managing the emotional ups and downs of caring about the world. You can listen to Jess and Joanna’s podcast, We Are the Great Turning, here or wherever you listen to podcasts. Artist Autumn Leiker is mentioned in the episode, and you can learn more about her work here. Podcast production by Cameron Drews. Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Crystal met Hugh Hefner when she was 21 and he was 81. They spent 10 years together at the Playboy mansion before he died and she became a widow. In this episode she reflects on their marriage, and how she’s changed since. Crystal Hefner’s memoir is called Only Say Good Things: Surviving Playboy and Finding Myself. Podcast production by Zoe Azulay Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When Miranda July entered her early forties, she noticed a grim feeling emerge. “It wasn't coming from me,” she said, “I guess it came from this lack of imagery, or stories, or even just basic medical information about what was going to happen next with my body.” The dearth of information and near absence of cultural mythology about perimenopause and menopause became the catalyst for her novel All Fours, which came out in May and quickly became a New York Times bestseller. In this episode, Miranda talks about the unease that inspired the book and speculates about what the future could look like if more people openly discussed this crucial chapter of life. We also hear from listeners who share their experiences with perimenopause and menopause. The interview with Miranda was recorded live in San Francisco for City Arts & Lectures. You can check out a great profile of Miranda, which is referenced in the episode, here: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2024/05/20/miranda-july-profile Podcast production by Cameron Drews. Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram, and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, or critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When Angela first started working at a debt collection agency, she says she barely understood what her job was. "I was so completely awestruck that people didn't pay their bills," she told Anna in 2019, when this episode originally aired. Angela ended up working as a collector for 15 years, working her way up and getting monthly bonuses for getting people to pay up. But then, in 2018, she was accused of being part of a scheme to collect debt in unlawful ways, and was banned from the industry for life. Soon after she started racking up debt of her own, and got calls from bill collectors. At first, she said, she would pick up the phone when collectors called, just to critique them. "Now I just block the number and move on," she said. "I will eventually get them paid off and until I can, there is no point in wasting their time." Podcast production by Katie Bishop in 2019. Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

During the 1988 Summer Olympics, diver Greg Louganis was competing under extreme pressure. In the preliminary round, he split his head open on the diving board, got stitched up, and decided to stay in the competition. He was also carrying a secret that only a few people knew: six months before the Olympics began, Greg learned that he was HIV positive. Despite those obstacles, Greg went on to win gold in both the 3-meter springboard and 10-meter platform events, thrilling viewers and cementing himself as one of the best divers of all time. With the 2024 Games underway, Greg joins Anna to reflect on his odds-defying victories, and he explains how olympic training prepared him for life's challenges outside the pool. Podcast production by Cameron Drews Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

From a young age, James T. Morrison used drugs to help him feel better. He started with pills that were prescribed to him–medications like Xanax and Klonopin–but he soon moved on to basically whatever he could get his hands on. In this episode, James discusses his experience with substance use disorder, housing instability, and the criminal justice system. At a time when public officials and policy experts are debating ways to address the overdose crisis in the U.S., James discusses what humane drug policies could look like and how we as a society need to completely change the way we talk about drug use. We first learned about James’ story from an essay he wrote in Slate titled One More Day. If you’d like to check out some of our previous episodes about substance use and recover, here’s a short list: I Can't Fix It: A First Responder on Heroin I Felt Like the Story Had To Change: Life After Heroin How Jeff Daniels Got Sober, Again Falling In Love...With Heroin Margo Price After Cheating and Drinking NOTE: We want to mention that this episode mentions suicide and self harm. If you or someone you love is struggling, please call 988, the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. Podcast production by Cameron Drews Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

San Francisco mayor London Breed grew up learning again and again about the dangers of drugs and addiction. She lived in public housing in the city in the 1980’s and saw friends and family members in her community get hooked, get sick, and sometimes pass away. Fast forward to now, and San Francisco is seeing sky-high overdose numbers (though they’re down a bit from last year), and the city has earned a reputation for being in disarray. Mayor London Breed faces a tough reelection campaign this fall, and this week on the show, she talks about the many different measures she and her administration are taking to address San Francisco’s problems, and she shares some of the important life experiences that have informed her approach. Podcast production by Anna Sale. Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Carvell Wallace’s brilliant new memoir Another Word for Love has been rightfully praised for its passages about childhood trauma, about apologies and forgiveness, and about the healing power of love. But the book also features some important lessons about sex, consent, and the ways popular culture can send the wrong messages about both of those things. This week on the show, Carvell digs into those lessons and the experiences that changed him forever, including his first encounters with Shakespeare and his trip to an unforgettable sex party. Podcast production by Cameron Drews. Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Since the #MeToo movement, the presence of intimacy coordinators have become more common on movie and TV sets. In this episode, Elle McAlpine the intimacy coordinator for many projects including Poor Things and Baby Reindeer, talks about what her job entails, from choreographing the perfect orgasm to navigating tricky workplace dynamics. Podcast production by Zoe Azulay Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Anna talks to Dr. Orna Guralnik, the psychoanalyst from Showtime’s Couples Therapy, and then to Kara Swisher, the pugnacious tech journalist and podcast host, about the art of the interview, and how they get people to open up to them. Kara Swisher’s new book is Burn Book: A Tech Love Story, and you can read her 1989 Washington Post article here. This episode is from a live conversation, earlier this month, at the Tribeca Festival. It was produced by Slate’s Katie Rayford and Alexandra Cohl and Tribeca Festival’s Davy Gardner, with help from Zoe Azulay and Cameron Drews. Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Mark Duplass’s first big dream came true when he was 28: a movie he wrote and directed with his brother, Jay, got into The Sundance Film Festival. It was a major accomplishment, but Mark was miserable. “The week after Sundance was probably one of the worst weeks of my life because I realized I hit the top of the mountain. The top of the mountain didn't make me happy. So now what am I going to do?” In this episode, filmmaker Mark Duplass talks about managing depression, what it’s like to have a creative partnership with his brother, and how they talk about making and spending money. “If I didn't have Jay as a partner, I would make a hundred mediocre movies a year, and if he didn't have me, he would die with two thirds of the greatest film ever made, not finished.” Read: With Hollywood shedding jobs, here is help for coping with the slowdown Podcast production by Andrew Dunn Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Christopher Zara didn’t finish high school, and can sometimes feel like an outsider working in a field where it’s more common to have a college degree. Sometimes he’s able to push through his social anxiety, to put on a tough face. But other times his body won’t give him a chance to feel at ease – it seizes up, and in Christopher’s case that means not being able to pee even when he really, really has to. “Imagine you’re unable to perform a basic function like move your hand or your leg,” Christopher said, “You're standing, in my case, in front of a urinal or wherever the bathroom is, and it just doesn't happen.” In this episode, Christopher talks to producer Zoe Azulay about “paruresis,” more colloquially known as shy bladder syndrome, how it’s been disruptive to his life, how he thinks it's connected to class anxiety, and how it’s gotten better. Christopher Zara’s memoir is called Uneducated: A Memoir of Flunking Out, Falling Apart, and Finding My Worth Podcast production by Zoe Azulay Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Elissa Strauss always knew she wanted to be a mother, but she also knew she didn’t want motherhood to take over her personality. After all, she had spent years as a blogger making fun of anyone who took motherhood too seriously. She bemoaned the natural birth movement and people who made “mom friends.” Then Elissa had a son, and her view of caretaking started to shift. “I had put so much energy into figuring out how not to lose myself to caregiving,” Elissa writes in her new book, “that I completely ignored the possibility that I might, in fact, find some of myself there.” In this episode, Anna and Elissa talk about why it feels uncool to talk about liking motherhood, the ways caretaking can take from us, but also how it can fill us up and engender “moral transformation.” Plus, the economics of care, and what really valuing care in society would look like. Elissa’s book is called When You Care: the Unexpected Magic of Caring for Others. She also wrote a piece last month in Slate called “It’s Weird Times to Be a Happy Mother.” Are you a paid caregiver? We want to hear from you for a future listener episode. Tell us some things you’ve taken away from the experience – wild stories, observations about class, lessons about the way you want your own loved ones to be cared for. Send us your thoughts and stories at deathsexmoney@slate.com. Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The dating app Bumble recently declared in advertisements that “a vow of celibacy is not the answer.” The ad campaign, which was met with a swift backlash, seemed to be responding to a prevailing notion that people are having less sex than they used to. Back in 2015, we asked our listeners why they weren’t having sex, and their reasons varied. Disability, religious beliefs, S.T.I.s, and differing libidos were all cited as factors. This week, we revisit those stories and reflect on sex and abstinence at a time when those things continue to spark debate. Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices